Answer and Peace

A young man goes on a long walk. During this walk, he talks to God. He says: God why have you forsaken me. God looks at him and smiles. And lets him know with energy rather than words that there is a plan. That all he needs to do is open his heart and continue.

He continues his walk and wonders what God’s plan could be. For months he’s been opening his heart. Trusting in whatever direction God has told him to go. Trusting a voice that directed him to Spain, Scotland, all over the US, Guatemala, Argentina, and now Chile.

A voice that hasn’t directed him toward happiness. Hasn’t directed him toward contentment. But instead has directed him to experience physical pain. And then to experience a world of people that liked him. But didn’t really care for him. And sometimes. Turned on him.

His faith kept him going. Even when he has felt forsaken. Because sometimes people must feel forsaken to know the truth. Which the young man feels is love. And he really believes in love. But sometimes he wonders how many other people do.

When he arrived in Argentina he ran out of money. And the young woman who he loved left him because, she said, she was scared. And a man tried to kill a man sitting beside him. And all of the spiritual people who seemed so spiritual. Smiled empty smiles.

Yet he continued to surrounded himself with people. More and more people. Who God directed him toward. And who had good hearts – the boy saw that. But whose hearts didn’t see him. Nor did they connect with him. Instead they yawned when he came. And yawned when he left.

And he finds himself on a walk in Santiago wondering why he’s even here. Understanding that perhaps he wasn’t meant for this forgetful world. A world in which people care as much as they are able. But they aren’t very able. At least not yet.

As he nears the apartment where he is staying – with painters who smile at him but rarely have anything to say [to him] – he sees a church. And he wants to go in the church. To pray or something. But the doors to the cathedral are locked.

Instead he sits outside the church and looks at a painting of Jesus. And at the massive cathedral structure towering over him. He tells God that if it was up to him he wouldn’t be here. If it was up to him he would disappear into the ether and go back to wherever he came from.

That he continues on only because he believes that God has a will for each of us. And that it is not his job to question that will. But to continue to ask. So that eventually it can be known. And then he gets quiet for a time. Before asking God one little favor.

I am open to whatever your will is. Just please let me know soon. So that I may serve you. I have listened to you faithfully. As I’ve traveled around the world. And suffered. Not understanding. But trusting. And now I ask you to let me know. Why am I here?

In that moment, he felt God enter his body. He felt God become one with his body. And he felt that whatever answer that God might have had to say didn’t matter nearly as much as the energy that he felt inside. Energy that was complete. And was love.

He stood up after a time. And walked back to the apartment holding this energy. And climbed up to the stairs and into the little room in which he was staying. And lied down. And felt the energy strengthen him. And love him. And it was there, on the bed, that God began to speak.

And in God’s words he found his answer.

Because in God’s energy he found his peace.

And because in God’s trials he found his faith. The faith he would need.

To look for answers and peace.