How to Eliminate Hypocrisy without Burning the Whole World at the Stake

· Taylor, a friend who enjoys long walks on the beach and drinking tea while watching hummingbirds hum, also enjoys something else: bad boys! Despite knowing that each new relationship will inevitably end with pain and regret, she can’t help but beckon it on because of “the excitement” or “the sex”. And after it’s over, when she realizes how stupid she’s been, she says things like, “I learned from my mistakes” or “I’ll never do it again.” But she doesn’t learn and she always does it again. What’s most interesting about Taylor’s lifestyle, perhaps, is that she’s a Ph.D. psychologist… and she’s built a practice counseling other women with similar experiences!

· Mark Foley, the now-infamous Florida congressman, stood in front of the House of Representatives, and argued – perhaps rightly – that the Dateline NBC “To Catch a Predator” series had done more for raising awareness about the problems of online predators than any legal action up to that point. Yet during that time, he was engaged in elicit online interaction with a sixteen year old boy… he was one of the predators that he had been working so hard to protect children from.

· Nomar Garciaparra, the all-star Dodger first baseman, has one of the more elaborate superstitious routines in baseball today. Besides not washing his hat throughout the 162-game season, he also kicks dirt, plays with his wristbands and gloves, and wriggles his body before every pitch. He knows that scientific evidence shows no link between superstition and better (or worse) performance, but it hasn’t stopped him (or hundreds of millions of athletes and fans around the world) from engaging in superstitious routines.

· When I was younger, I wanted to be an elite wrestler. So I practiced between four and six hours a day, seven days a week. And it seemed to work. So I kept up my maniacal practice schedule… for the next eight years! Eventually I learned, from exercise and nutrition research and from numerous elite-level athletes, that recovery is essential for increasing strength and endurance, and essential for achieving peak performances. But though I believed in the research – in fact, I quoted it to hundreds of younger wrestlers at wrestling clinics around the country – I never changed my training.

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To varying degrees, Taylor, Mark, Nomar, and I consciously understood that our actions weren’t beneficial to us, to our performances, or – in the case of Mr. Foley – to others. Yet we continued with them anyway… not because we wanted to hurt ourselves or others, but because we actually believed, despite evidence to the contrary, that what we were doing made sense… for us!

What the fuck?

And… is there any way to stop the hypocrisy?

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Conscious thinking is the exception for human beings, not the rule. Most of what we do… most of what we are… is unconscious.

Our body processes – like our hearts beating, our lungs breathing, our stomachs digesting, and our sexual organs doing you know – are all regulated unconsciously by our brains. So are most of our daily routines – driving, cooking, working out, or anything else repetitive.

It’s good and adaptive that we think so little. Our conscious minds can only focus on a single thought at a time… And in a world where multitasking is a requirement for survival… our conscious minds simply aren’t good enough. We need to drive while talking on the phone, eat while reading, and find that special spot while saying that special something.

The problems arise when our unconscious minds learn maladaptive behaviors because they don’t have enough evidence to make the best decision… and then stick to those behaviors because our conscious minds don’t know how to (or don’t care to) eliminate them. Here’s what I mean:

· Taylor knows, from professional experience, that’s her relationships are extremely unhealthy… yet she continues them.
· Tom knew that his actions could potentially destroy his own life and the lives of many around him… yet he engaged in them anyway.
· Nomar knows that his superstitions won’t enhance his performance… yet he engages in the rituals anyway.
· I knew that I could have been more successful by lightening up my practice routine, but I stuck to it anyway.

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Our hypocrisy – the fact that our unconscious minds oftentimes don’t care for the information gathered by our conscious minds – is a big problem!

Many people – and most policies – assume that knowledge is the key to enlightenment. If we are educated about the benefits of using condoms, we will use them. If we know that global warming could cause massive destruction, we will stop guzzling gas. If terrorists can just understand that the U.S. really has their best interests at heart, they’ll lay down their weapons.

But life isn’t so easy. Knowledge, while definitely a good first step, isn’t the antidote we wish it was, because while perhaps informing our conscious perceptions, it oftentimes does nothing to change our already established unconscious patterns.

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So given that we know that more knowledge – or even better knowledge – isn’t the complete solution… how can we more effectively influence our stubborn unconscious minds to act in our best interests… and in the best interests of society?

1. Stop patterns before they start. With the right information, and positive social reinforcement, we can choose not to engage in potentially detrimental patterns. For instance, had I known when I first started wrestling that I’d get more mileage by working out hard five days a week and then resting two, I likely would have chosen a more effective practice routine.

2. Be aware of potentially detrimental patterns. If we can understand the unconscious mind’s power to create maladaptive patterns, we can be aware enough to identify those patterns in ourselves and in others. For instance, last week I pointed out to Taylor the irony of her personal problems in the face of her burgeoning professional career. “Good point,” she said.

3. Making it a pattern to take action! When we identify potentially detrimental unconscious patterns in ourselves or in others, we must make it a pattern to take action… and eliminate the bad stuff. If we can make eliminating unhelpful unconscious patterns ”second nature” – if we can do it without even thinking – then the potential benefits for ourselves and for society are tremendous!

Conclusion
It’s easy to create and maintain destructive patterns throughout our lives because our unconscious minds feel comfortable with them… regardless of whether or not they’re problematic. Unfortunately for most of us, it feels like a daunting task to do something about such negative patterns… so we don’t!

But not doing anything is detrimental to our own lives and to the lives of others. And when the steps for optimizing our unconscious minds – for creating more positive patterns and less negative patterns – are so easy, we have no excuse for not addressing and eliminating our own hypocrisies for the sake of better lives for ourselves and a better world for all of us!